News Flash

I'll Go.

2010-03-15T16:40:00.000-07:00

a lot of times- every single time, I went back and forth for Love, for everything that means so much to me, but I am starting to get tired to keep on chasin' without results, I'm just exhausted to death. let time deside what's right 'cause I won't,

you want me? proof it.
you need me? call me.
you love me? show it.

But If I don't make it home and you don't come back..
I'mma ask you to not forget about me.. it was ours to keep.

Love is hard, I've fought for you, over and over again, I keep on hopin', I'm still holding on, but the truth is: everything can change in a second,
we all know that.

Love, R.

dat was lang geleden!

2010-02-09T15:14:00.000-08:00

..dat ik weer aan het '' Bloggen '' ben..

ok ok, listen, er is intussen VEELS TE VEEL dingen gebeurt in het leven van Riri-myself

been walking up and down the hills of Love,

been fighting those demons in my head,

been feeling a LOT,

and now I'm back with a brand new boyfriend on my side and a brand new future ahead of me.

Life can be wonderful, pitiful, a bit crazy and lost track..

folks, for what I know is that you gotta live and let live as it is.

so that's what I did, I did what I had to do, I took the risk, I gather the courage and went through fire of destiny as they might call it.

I was afraid, scared, lame and stupid..

but sometimes, being stupid is the best thing you can be when you know what you're doing

is full of risks, right?!

well, let me tell you somethin': Love made me do it!

yes, you heard me, that's right!

Love, it is all about Love.

He

2009-12-16T03:27:00.000-08:00

Stefano zegt:
maar baby, luister dan
i wanna make u happy

Stefano zegt:
i wanna make u cry
i wanna laugh
i wanna make u fly
high up in de sky
like stars
serieus
dat wil ik echt
ik wil zorgen dat je veilig bent
je goed voelt
en dat WIJ ons best doen
samen !

Stefano zegt:
voor elkaar, met elkaar

I say: than let's make eachother Happy, shall we?

S.

2009-12-05T09:32:00.000-08:00

See, I've known this boy for about a week or 2-3, he's like the Prince on the White horse to me so far..

we share the same shit !

example:

-Music taste,

-Same thoughts about Life and Reality,

-Little things in Life that makes it all worth to Live for..

I really don't know what Love really means and what it really feels like,

but I know this one is going to be real, at least.. I hope so.

God Blessed.

Bullshit Waarheid.

2009-11-27T04:35:00.000-08:00

er zijn mensen die letterlijk Haten als iemand anders eruit zie dan de rest.. als iemand heel anders gedraagt dan de rest..
zulke mensen noemen we in de maatschappij: HATERS.
of et zijn Diva's, Homo's, of Flikkers gewoon..
haha, hun durven niet in je gezicht te zeggen dat ze je haten terwijl je weet dat ze JOU voor de rest echt goed haten..
en nu wil je zo graag dat je met hun kan opschieten en normaal kunnen praten met alles en over alles.
sommigen hebben dan ineens over cookies, taarten en andere zoetigheids..
WTF, heb je niks anders te doen soms?
..suikerspin en vriendjes praten ze nog steeds over, jij ook hea? vraagt ze dan ineens..
rariteit, ego, en dan nog een hele berg status-praatjes-bullshit erbij..

ongelofelijk DOM !

triest, jah.. hahaha, als hun dat nou eens realiseren, hoe hun zijn, hoe hun eruit zien als ze over iemand praten..
LELIIIJJKKKKKKK HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORR

en nu verveel ik me..

take care folks,

Blessed.

Hannibal Rising

2009-11-14T15:18:00.000-08:00

hahaha,

we just watched Hannibal Rising and I Think I might fall in Love with that creapy guy who plays it.
holyshiittt haha, still can't believe my own eyes and ears..

alright, That's it.

Love, Riri

a day in Hell.

2009-11-10T08:22:00.000-08:00

where do I have to start?

today was one of those strange days..

I thought she was a good friend who knows me well by now,

but her Ego throws it all away, her Magical eyes turned into black and I don't know who she was..

everytime I try to forget this whole thing, something bad happend and the day turned Bad again

wish someone would fix me real good to make sure I'm ok and alive like in the old days

like when I used to fall in love with him, like when I used to smile a lot (deep from the heart)

all I got is Lights, follow the lights where it leads me Home and take me to somewhere I TRUELY belong.

o and Goshhh I miss you so much Father..

='(

God bless you and the rest of the Family.

Much Love, R.

feelings at NYC '09

2009-10-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

Vandaag ben ik thuis gekomen van NYC.

het was een fascinerende ervaring. it was like: WHOAAA, letterly.

dingen meegemaakt wat anderen maar kunnen dromen, ik ben niet arrogant, zeg ik je alvast maar bijna elke dag voor the last 8 days dronken zijn is niet bepaald goed hea?

it's all in the game, someone said to me one day..

but funny enough, everyday I'm at one of the largest/shiniest/greatest city in the world,

I still feel the lonelyness inside of me, why is that?

I keep asking myself. even when I'm with someone, like a relationship..

it's like I feel the 'down-vibe' all around me, it is insane, I can't get out of it.

just can't.

who's going to catch me when I fall? myself and I?

I think so, I'm alone everyday, I'm lonely everyday, I feel useless everyday, I don't exist to most people, I'm a closure to myself..

I don't know what else to think, I tried everything I could, I get many and many feelings inside of me when I'm on my own, at home.

it's like: craaazyyyy !!

I don't have friends, all I have is me.

I keep telling myself to go and make the best of life, every-single-day there's left of my 'happyness' inside.

it rules my whole 'life'. I can't call this 'life', because I rarely feel alive, only when I'm traveling around and walking the path I have to be on to move on towards destinations.

but one thing I surely know, which is I, won't live much longer, I just know it.

it's like a prognosis, when you already know thing about to happen, as your intuition go stronger than ever.

anyways, this is NYC:

Love, R.

sex doesn't have to be dirt on dinner-table

2009-09-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

what do this people have in common?! SEX-APPEAL.

Lara.

2009-09-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

NYC.

2009-09-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

the days are coming closer and closer folks!

we are, and I mean WE ARE one of the nations on earth that could and should see the world

with our own bare eyes, with our own bare hands we touch the things we are not supposed to touch or even get involved with..

but,

no worries, rules are meant to be broken =]

the only thing I know is that this year could be mine..

the good things are keep on coming on my path of life, they are calling me to live it,

live the life that I should be living..

living the dream I always dreamed of, traveling the world (on my own) or with companion(s).

but for now, I just like to travel alone, on my way to greatness and grace there is to catch,

I am..

I am, the dream.

I am..

about to walk/run on the busy streets of NEW YORK CITY.

(wich happened to be the city of blinding lights..)

regards,

Long time no typing..

2009-08-24T16:36:00.000-07:00

ok, ok,

dit is echt rampzalig hea..

al FUCKING VEEEELS TE LANG GEEEEEN FUCKING BLOGS MEER VAN MIJJ..

nou, nu dus weer wel haha,

ehmm, om nog ef te beginnen.. ik heb dus na al die tijd weer fucking veels te workaholic geworden

or somethin'..

maar goed, ook te veel gefeest tijdens het werk,

maar op 1 of andere manier is het toch wat

aan de saaie kant aan worden.. hoe kan dat dan als je je toch o, zo vermaakt elke keer

op de werkvloer dat je uberhaupt nog eens g

aat vervelen kind?!

hoor ik al van jullie point of view,

nou, this is why:

Ik verveel me kenker sjnel dus dan weten jullie ook dat ik erg sjnel uitgekeken raak..

vandaar, ben ik erg moody nu om weer een new te gaan zoeken..

but I have to cause I just get bored and more bored that I letterly wanna die if I don't move on..

eehmm.. oh ja! London was 'FAWSOME'.

dit zei ik ook tegen dat ene boyke haha, he liked my word of choice, yeah, he liked it.

anyways, this is one of the greatest photo's I took out there on Town:

ENJOY..

Pleasure Island

2009-07-26T14:14:00.000-07:00

een FUCKING dikke hoi.

dit heb ik dus de afgelopen 2 dagen GEDAAN:

GEFEEST (op werkvloer) ZITTEN DOLLEN (op werkvloer) GEREND (op werkvloer)GEWERKT (op werkvloer) GEDANST (op werkvloer) ERG VEEL GEPRAAT (op werkvloer) GEKIETELD (op werkvloer) GEROTZOOID (op werkvloer) hahahaha, deze 2 dagen waren BRUUT

@ AWESOMENESS (EVER)

en nu, wachtend geduldig (not) voor august party

@ London city

FUCK men,

ik kan niet wachten..

en nu, maar slapen.. of of of

een FUCKING goeie blog maken/verzinnen/typen/schrijven

juist.

ok, ik praat teveel..

well, let GOD BLESS YOU in the hardest tides of THI SWHOLE GANG OF SHITTY LIFE we all are in.

BIG Love,

M. (Blog)

2009-07-21T13:45:00.000-07:00

you had me

you lost me

you let me walk away and go

you called me

you told me

you need me back to let me know

if I will cry you will be there

I won't call your name, I know you it will be all the same

it's alright, ok

I won't bother you no more

ain't no need to talk

alright, ok

so you want for me to be sure?

then let me tell you this

you never will, I'd never look down, I never did

alright, ok

all I gotta say there's no need for you to visit

I'm with him

I'm with them

there's plenty room for me to join

I'm still right here

endwise and near my happyness within

a good soul I still own, don't worry

don't you dare wasting your crap on me

don't make me call security

don't have to go but you just can't stay

Dedicated to M.

Evil Heart (Blog)

2009-07-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

run over the saints outside

this is what he wanted to

or run over good human kind

he can't help himself to plan all the things a devil would

there's a thing to do, one thing I can do

my time to make a move

wake him up, the obvious

make it stop, the outrageous

shake him up for the better

this is for the outlaw

wreck him up, the un cut loose

make it stop, the blood injured

drag him up when it's over

cause reasons are not suppose to be removed

he's scared to say what's inside

what he need to be doing

he's scared to admit what's right

I can't lock a full grown man

but he keeps on fighting them

I know he will die for losing all in time

why would he run away from his own biggest fear?

and why would he disturb their lives on every year?

I guess the anger made him fierce

he couldn't discharge or retard

the wrong gear, the wrong cheer

about M.

Something to remember (Blog)

2009-07-21T13:38:00.000-07:00

simplicity written deep in my eyes

priority is my truth and my deny

ackward and weird, not one small noice I hear

sun shine, dawn and sunrise

I see things clear

would you be a relieve?

when you can do something for me

mother nature has a mistery

let me go, let me walk forever and keep me in your mind

say goodbye with a kiss to remember

it's time that heals you from me

all we had was never meant to be

it's alright, may you find the truth of life

so, last night we cried

it's time for me to die

I'm not the one who'll be there by your side

I will leave letting it all be

my ride is here waiting for me, maybe you better off

our pages are history

just take it, this is it

life ain't fair and it never will be

you were mine but never destiny

I got an Opinion (Blog)

2009-07-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

I don't care what I might see

I don't know you

I don't care what I'd find out

I'm free from all disguise I got

I can see now, I can go now

I'm free from the rest I'm planning doing tonight

don't think I would fall cause of you

don't think I shall beg you to move

cause I know you just can not stay away

take this, take it right

do your job and make them all happy in despair to come around

cause all my mistaken movements don't ask

I don't want your opinion

I don't give a damn for what you people do

I don't want to

I don't feel reward for what I gave

and no, I don't stay around for what you all need to

I don't like you, I fucking do everything I want

as some say you'll never be the one

they want you dead inside and hung

yourself is what you got though they're involved

Life's funny from my point of view

a guy said one day ..

'Life is a Joke and it Laughs on you, funny right?!'

Solitude (Blog)

2009-07-21T13:28:00.000-07:00

sometimes I lay around

can't sleep, I hang around

every thought is willing to come out

my life, it is way too hard

I took it far in pendency

I survived when I was giving up

when I crashed in the forrest

all I wanted was a guide

when I woke up unconscious

all I wanted was love

so who will be there the next time?

and what if I need something real?

I drugged my blood fast to refuse

the haunting I kill

where is the kindness in truth?

and dying I was from my own

solitude was a friend I had

it was myself

sometimes I stop and gaze into the mass, think of anything

so would they notice me if I'm gone?

this life made me realized

I've been lonely many times

yet I'm on the move, continue running

when they want me to show off

all I wanted was to hide

they expect me to be rough

all I did was cry

I began and I'm ending it easily

cause I am someone on a value high

so this is the part what you've never seen

where the weakness, gravity is killing me

gets me wherever I am

beats me whenever I breath as time is running out

so what would you do if you were me?

Dedicated to W.

I love you sis.

You are (Blog)

2009-07-21T13:24:00.000-07:00

drum and base are on the back

when you run your finger

yeah, this is what you do

an acoustic guitar in your hand

play that song you wrote when I'm asleep

my own superstar with me

early morning you would rock the neighbourhood

you're the only one who would go singin' lalala

I love to see you go run without your underwear

you always make me laugh so hard

I just like for the way you are

casual mess when I'm with you

crazy occasions when you start acting goof

gosh, how you do it

then you'll be going tough, having fluff

baby, having itch, such a bitch

and messy hair

Do things 'till I can't get enough

Leo drum sticks you throw with

but he don't mind, sugar

yes, this is what you always do

the kitchen is your stage and I'll be your own fan

I love your performances

tonight we'll go out and we'll be having fun

he loves it when I'm around, together really nice

I'll be by your side and make your heart smile

going home and we start all over again

you and me in that room we spent baby

haha, we were such a mess..

Our Song (Blog)

2009-07-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

it's just you and me

we're the last one around

what if tomorrow sun won't shine?

would your love go on?

where the roads turn-a-bend

where the world lies to end

are you willing to try or would you rather die?

for what it is worth as far as it brought us here

and the battlefield left holes in the ground to keep

the seasons has changed, freedom will last

in it's way above enemies

will you keep me company?

when there is nothing left to live

and could you still give me any faith to proof

there's no me without you

no me without you

he knows what I think

he can feel what I feel

and you see anything

a light in the dark

who I follow through

in every step my feet goes

I can count on him when times are getting harder

made this thing the best, leaving the rest

better to live for just in case our journey come to an end

he always keeps me warm and close

and you never said a word

I just look into the eyes of faith and truth

you gave me truth

you carry me with you, the stronger we became

the commitment

I watch your every move, the more we're the same

my guardian

in every devotion, the dedication

my best friend, my shield

you're my warrior

when life is about to last

and we're finished where it all started, it's all gone

we love and we rest, we're on the egde

standing side to side as we face the beauty of our fate

still you would cross the seven seas

you're the last thing I knew

the very, very last thing I knew

Dedicated to M.

Liberty (Blog)

2009-07-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

life makes you kill every move

life makes you willing to fight

I am, I'm like your left hand

I am your plan to ease all

one more game to do, one more man to fool

get rid of the blues

standing up, you're the hero

kicking off, be the fellow

making up, keep it down, low

dismissed kisses, they would beg you

breaking up, it ain't hollow

laugh it off, heal the sorrow

lift it up, they would follow

death comes when I'm not around

death face you when you are scared

I can, let you be someone

for you to move on

and I, I will put any word in your mouth to talk

but I'm just a voice you called for two

I hope you'll be fine finding the life you been looking for..

My Misfit (Blog)

2009-07-21T13:15:00.000-07:00

I see your perfection

like they all do

we have this connection

like no one knew

everytime you try to come near

I never saw you

but you'd still catch me always

me and you, we are such a passive mess

we're complicated

it's you that invented this grace

we went out

from day one 'till the very day, today

you'd give up anything for me

me and you, we're just one handhold case

we're destinated

do you think what I think?

this whole thing is

what was right to do then

when you told them

I'm glad to have the best of all for the first time

and I'm not sorry for loving her

the last things he said were:

he said, you'd be one

he said, you're someone

he towards run to

addiction, sensation

was said to me

it all ends with a tears I never really could dry off.

When the Girl used to say.. (Blog)

2009-07-21T13:14:00.000-07:00

if you ever come to know
would you understand my fear?
and stay near
I got trouble from inside
keeps on eating up my soul alive
my only one
but maybe you'll achive madness instead, again

is it me what keeps pushing you out, away from sacred?
and still hungry for bargain?
limits I can't reach
in love fool to something I could never have
no, I should never ask

babe, this song is from the heart
I just didn't knew how to chart
it felt so bad
I admit I couldn't stop
I wrote this last thing then I chopped
so I get mad
and I can not believe why you'd still love me, again

dear, can I be fair to you?
all I wanted was to make you feel beloved and whole again
cause you took me by the hand
made my everything be fine
denial, such a waste, pure a waste..

(do you think she'd be better off without any Love?)

Odd Experience (Blog)

2009-07-21T13:10:00.000-07:00

always when I hang with you
I'm not me and myself or whatsoever, it's true
cause you would make me go and run hard like this
and fight with my fist
and love with no limits
no, I approach your living dead when you cry
taken off overboard all the lies
there really are no time to say goodbye
you do what you wanna do
loving me to fall in love with you
the next morning:
I'd wake up in his shirt and his brown shorts
cars no where to find, left behind
feeling the heat when the sand flies by
I shoudn't walk all the way around at this time
and then he go:
'' it's like I'm stuck in Vegas with you or somethin' ''
I said:
I should stop feeling good
of playing games the things we do
but with you
I would seize more days like no one ever did before
so, I did borrow your keys a while
you know us, there are no single lie
I just don't know where it was last night
and there were tides when:
he ignores parking tickets
he shares every little profits
and he go climb the stairs to the rooftop
he took me see movies every night
yeah, this city is the place, our place
he said: let's go see what it'll make us do
he said: what we have, what we get
it's a part of what we did
so, I said: yes, I'm bad
he changed his mind
and instead we made love with no bed

we got it really bad folks,
really bad, for doing things you never did
adventures ahead us called and we'd continue..

maar helaas, was het over en uit between us.

NSJ.

2009-07-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

hoi.

vandaag.. en gisteren zag ik Duff en Seal (HELLO!?) kwam later vandaag de dag langs mij zoals Duffy de eerste keer gister,

it was fucking O, God lord baby Jezus..

you know, they seem normal, so many talented people in one area:

North Sea Jazz IS thè Place if you're looking for the IT.

morgen is de laatste dag van de Jazz-happening, such a shame,

jammer dat het afgelopen is dan he?! ik wil nog wel zo veel dingen horen en zien van het gebeuren..

maar goed, ik ben en blijf tevreden met what I saw yesterday and today and for what there will be tomorrow..

goodnight,

ps: North Sea Jazz: 10-11-12 July '09

Love.

helping the world with the greatest mystery ever.

2009-07-05T12:42:00.000-07:00

ze zeggen:

'beter slechte relatie dan helemaal geen liefde ontvangen van diegenen dat je hebt besloten om je liefde mee te delen (ook al voor even) at all'

oja?

is dat zo?

nee.

totally wrong.

and you know what?

dit is weer zo'n bull-ish waar iedereen tegenwoordig mee zit, ze laten je zien en doen wat ze van jou verwachten,

example: take a girl and a boy going out to the local circus,

they sit down and eating popcorns together from out of a can,

wondering what to do or say..

it makes you insane, for some people to go through all this,

'it's called adrenaline, you fool!'

some call me that, so what?

who cares?!
at least, I know what I want in this life, Freedom to do whatever I was meanted to do, might be for a special goal or whatever there is out there waiting for me.

now, I am not saying I never going to share real love with someone,

it's just like a myth, you knew it's not going to happend, not real,

it's a total myth, that's it. let's keep it simple..

I am having the time of my life, sometimes I can be dark, sometimes I feel like vomiting

short to the chase and as always that I am: Extreme.

I'll do anything to get my will, even though I do have to kill you.. letterly.

one thing for sure:

love is debatable.

crazy

2009-07-05T11:50:00.000-07:00

i was left behind by a friend today, he wasn't really consern of me at all

he was like waiting for his old 'girlfriend'to arrive with her little friend next to her

instead of waiting patiently just for me,

sometimes you met people, the first time you hang out with them was the coolest meeting ever

the second time aswell, the third time, they show a lot more than you would've thought they even could show to the world who they really are..

after that third day, you knew there will be some of those ackward moments in time of your new starting 'friendship'

when you're at their place and asking for a drink they go like:

'it's all in the fridge, you knwo the where it is..'

on that moment you'll be thinking: hey, do you mind getting it FOR me?!
because i'd just like to be served for the very first time in this house of yours..

but you can't really say it, cause it'd be rude, you might think.

the devil said ones to the angle: 'so what? take the chance while you can and go for it'

when he angle go: 'no way, take the easy way by not doing it and just follow the rules that will make you be a better person you'll ever be'

they fight and fight ones again, over again..

as you don't know what to do you run button to get it over with but instead,

you argue with your self, within yourself.

this is so not healty,

and so, the next day arrive to punish you once again.

'I am your laughter, i am your sorrow

no magic on earth will compete me when I become the storm and thunder'

this is the sound of today's song at south-park of metropolitan

it's like some kind of a aberration people make, day by day

the festival was very crowded and full of scary maniaks,

it's a freakshow you might call it,

i left them behind like they did with me before..

and whoes laughing now huh?!

Bitches!

that man.

2009-07-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

I have a soft side, this isn't.

this is the side that runs early mornings

the side that puts people away running in straight lines

the more it fits us to do what had to be done, the more support we get from them

them.

it's a huge word to say, this is like that time when the french man I 've met in the subway.

he came up to me and ask me the right directions to go to town.

I said: i recognize you from somewhere..

he said: excuse me?
then I'd go: yes, you are that kind of person who can manipulate you for a good reason.

his appearences was like having a real good orgasms all the time, or all night long.

it is such a wonderful person to look at..

anyways, ofcourse, I showed him the way he was looking for and he thank me for it aswell.

but on the way forward he was turning back his pretty head with those greeny-eyes

looking straight at me in his white shirt and light blue jeans and his relaxed jeans-blue looking converse all stars and his curly blond hair on top of that cute little face.

I was sold.

and I was surprised how nice he was to me.

good god, if I was his girlfriend or something else just for a day..

haha, I am still dreaming him right now.

well, this side of the story is that life can be pretty interesting when it comes to meeting new people on the streets these days.

and I do believe that someday we really have peace all over the world

hoping when that day would come, I'd see him again and this time..

alone in the dark.

Tattoo: Done

2009-07-03T09:21:00.000-07:00

hoi.
vandaag was dus zover, ik heb em.
and it is miiiine bitches.
hua, hij is erg mooi geworden en 13 august ga ik terug voor nog een behandeling,
ze gaat em mooier maken dan ie al is..
dus,
for long time we waited for this moment and now it has come to join us forever,
writtend on my backside.

Love,

R.

3th of July

2009-07-02T07:41:00.000-07:00

here I am once again.
morgen is een fucking painful-day, maar uiteraard totally worth it.
folks, the people that will join me, I appreciate, I feel honoured by.
they stick to me through whatever and including tomorrow.
so..
it should be more fun then ever.
let's do this!

Love so far,

RIRI

shit.

2009-07-01T05:49:00.000-07:00

This is like against all odds. Time issues.

I have a problem, it is like a deseas and I can’t get healed from it.

Where is the cure to make me be on time they want me to be?

I have been searching to find any clue, any reason. I couldn’t find one.

I work hard for it. I chased, ran hard towards to it.

I couldn’t catch it. I couldn’t get it.

I waited long time. I spared some time.

Time went far beyond. Time pass by through me like the air I breathe.

Life is a teacher, you will be tested. This is true, I passed and still not on the right moving time.

I don’t know what else to do to get it done since I been doing anything every single thing to make it done..

Even though I will probably ask: ‘from where did you get this deseas anyway?’

Let me tell you something:

‘no one has ever really tought me anything what life means just to be alive in this planet earth, mother doesn’t get me, she saw the pain and stood still, she hasn’t done what she could do for me, I was standing on my own, still am.. father I do not dare to ask for anything, I barely knew the man, he’s not a real man, he couldn’t be, a real man stood up for his family, but him.. he doesn’t, he just lay around upon his little ‘ass’ and thinkin’ of what could’ve happened IF..

and then there is this man: ‘how many times I send you this letter to say what’s on my mind?’

HOPELESS to me, still feeling the love but wouldn’t admit for real taking me back, the only thing what he has been saying for years is how much he missed me..

Get a grip man!

Let it out, go ahead, be PITTYFUL.

You can’t be and won’t ever be the man I used to fall in love with like I used to..

You see what MY problems are?

They just keep coming back more and even more than it could go.. I don’t have

The solution for all this’.

regards,

survivor

2009-06-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

Thought that I would self destruct
But I'm still here
Even in my years to come
I'm still going to be here..

don't underestimate my willpower for your perfect vision.

battlefield I survived from beaten by crazy ex boyfriend, difficulty of guardians and lessons learned,

I earned it. I made it. I love it. I show it. I keep it. I succeed. I KNEW it.

Revolutions are not easy to get, neither Evolution.

still development is what I do just to believe in a world full of joy and peace.

soon,

comes success..

own shit.

2009-06-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

the things they don't understand, only the wise and the known ones who can read my mind.

within a source of truth there lies a life that is about to begin.
(binnen een bron van waarheid er schuilt een leven dat op het punt staat te beginnen)

wisdom is another word for excuse of being funny and smart at the same time.
(wijsheid is een ander woord voor excuus van grappig en slim tegelijk)

sleeping is what we do, not what we wanted to do.
(slapen is wat we doen, niet wat we wilden doen)

no one ever knew what was beyond gravity, let alone what love means.
(niemand wist wat was de zwaartekracht, laat staan wat liefde betekent)

a true artist don't listen to her fellows, she doesn't.
(een echte artiest luistert niet naar haar vrienden, ze doet dat niet)

the greatest of all time are notorious when life ends.
(de grootste van alle tijden worden berucht wanneer het leven eindigd)

retarded ones are the smartest humans alive, they don't trouble about community or property, they worry about tomorrow.
(achterlijke zijn de slimste dat leeft, ze geven niet om de gemeenschap of eigendom, ze geven om morgen)

those that you left behind, gives you the opportunity to take over goodluck and start over.
(degenen die jou achterliet, geeft jou de mogelijkheid geluk over te nemen en opnieuw te beginnen)

a bit of luck was wrapped in tiny little boxes that is waiting next to you.
(een beetje geluk is verpakt in kleine doosjes die wacht naast je)

heart of life is good, but who said it won't be when you're dead?
(hart van het leven is goed, maar wie zegt dat het niet zal zijn wanneer je dood bent?)

art is not a state of mind, it is a state of basic life. when you feel sad, art guide you to her imaginations for you to get lost.
(kunst is niet een state of mind, het is een toestand van fundamentele leven. wanneer je het gevoel triest, kunst begeleiden je tot haar verbeelding voor jou om in te verdwalen)

by RIRI.

will be continued..

a day at work

2009-06-28T16:49:00.000-07:00

hoi.

op zondag de 29ste werkte ik bij parkpop in The Hage.

ik heb erg geluk gehad met de mensen om me heen op de dag zelf,

1 fucking chaos and still the great feelings we surrounded by was amazing,

we were having lots of fun like i used to have as a little child.

playing around and still taking things (at work) seriously was a easy thing to do for me.

i can letterly switch my 'heads-phone' off as I call it, it's really rare, but i do.

haha, we had so much fun that we accidentally kissed each other on the mouth

yes, ladies and gents, we did kissed and i even felt her tongue on my mouth..

it was kinda odd but this was not my first time kissing accidentally

with a girl,

now, i know this does not sound really good, but who cares?

who said i am good or it is a bad thing to do,

i never thought there would even BE a second time around..

anyways, we laughed so hard that we were like letterly lying on the floor at work.

people stared at us like we were some alien on the oudside,

maybe, we were, not quite sure yet..

the day went great and very, O very wearly to compaire with the other work-days..

and the more fun we had, the more joy and happyness there was to make the earth to feel like a better place you could ever imagine.

With Love,

it.

2009-06-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

say it. go ahead and say it. if you must make me mad. just say it WHEN YOU WON'T BE THERE FOR ME NO MORE.. I want the truth. I don't want lies. I don't want you to hide anything from me. just say it. even if you want to get rid of me.. SAY IT.

I don't want you to do anything against all odd's to me. go ahead and say it.

I know you want to. say the things you hate about me. say everything you wanted to say.

I DON'T CARE. just..

SAY IT OUT LOUD.

whatever you wanted to say. I get the feeling you were trying to show off everything there was to show off when I'm around.

that is such a shame. I see everything has change. you and me are no longer BEST FRIENDS.

you are, just a clown who hides everything underneath the masks. SAY IT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIEEEE TO MEEEE.

NOW, SAYYY ITTT!

dedicated to a girl that's been hangin' with me for quite some time..

she knows WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT.

Transformers

2009-06-26T16:47:00.000-07:00

haai.

vandaag was erg gezellig weer met them boys, het was spannend en veel energy was er nodig om die ene film in theater te kijken haha,

het was het waard om laat te komen en toch gaan zonder dat er paar van de group er waren..

lauw lauw lauw, dit is het enige woord wat ik kan verzinnen en wat er in me opkwam net net dat het afgelopen was, facinating.

de ene vroeg aan me of ik nog mee uit wou of dat ik daar ook nog kon werken met 1 van hun, maar nee, helaas niet. de herkansingen zijn er ook nog en die moet ik nog wel doen, voor mezelf wel te verstaan.. en niet omdat het van iemand anders moet!

en toen, was ik thuis watching television drinking coke with lime twist in it. it is colossal, it is refreshing.

Love,

respond

2009-06-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

“I was a veteran, before I was a teenager.”

that was his last words be said to the man that dies on the 25th of June.

his name we all know and recognize, his work we all heard and adore, some not, some does,

he was a symbol, a living hero, an icon and the last but not least: a Father of his Children and all children.

he loves kids, I have heard a while ago, you know, from fans and diehards.

anyways, I am sorry for your lost and be prepared for the unexpected, life IS too short to handle and before you know it, it is gone away to the owner his hands.

I committed the tragedy for yawl. this was not meant to be, I hear you say.. but it happened anyway and no one can ever

turn the tide back to what it was today.. yesterday.

I am just merely inquisitive about his death and autobiography.

My condolences and sympathies on Michael Jackson his death.

Love,

blessing

2009-06-25T12:51:00.000-07:00

There was a time when we couldn’t buy the things we got now, like a big great house with a little porch on the back and a huge yard coming with it.

This is like a dream to mom, she never thought of living for ones in a house that is so big, such as the house of the reality star of our country.

Even though, I always thought differently than she did. I always had the feeling and the imaginations of a place full of joy and pleasure to live in and grow up with.

The Unreal becoming Real, is this a dream? I asked myself many times, that time,

is this what I, We really deserved? From working really hard and praying all night long in that lonely, empty, cubicle and filthy little house we used to live in?

You can’t even call it a house. It was too offesive just to be in there. There was no clean bathroom, let alone bedrooms.

Thankful to Lord in heaven everyday and night for the opportunity to have it all.

Through every little thing we have been, still we keep the feet on the ground instead of flying away to lostville. We fought, we past, we made it, we cheer up, we party, we moved on..

(True story from 1989 - 2001)

Love.

irritaties

2009-06-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

you know what's bothering me?

the little things we do they don't appreciate..

even when they know they can't live without it or when they know it is necessary to be done

as soon as possible on this deadline or when you're just being nice and kind to change bad substitutes, arguments, situations or simple changing the whole freakin' world for ones, they don't get the point, they only see bad things going on in minutes, are we that sad? pretty much,

if you ask me, a human brain can't handle kindness from another person anymore, we shut it down for the rest of the days and years of our lives, I speak for ya'll:

be more progressive to make it a little brighter for the rest of what's left of today,

you might be lying dead the next morning..

i am just saying.

No hatin' folks!

Regards,

2:01 a.m. (25/06)

2009-06-25T04:54:00.000-07:00

The path of life we have chosen is not always the best way to go through.

It let you deside what’s right and what’s not so right thing to do.

It’s just a way to let you know, you gotta make sure you’re on the right path.

Take hip-hop for example, people, like you and me, aspecially teens or adult teens are measure to this thing called dancing. Like a big, huge meteor is about to hit the blue planet (the earth). We like to be amused to the fact that some people would intertain us from they skills of being a dancer, like one of those great b-boys/girls. So funny, when you see it from my point of view, because you see, i am surrounded by them, not all the time but pretty much when i go out, on the streets, in foodstores-market and even bookstores they would join me reading a simple book, isn’t that cosi?

Living from the ghetto kind of life, a cheap bookstore when you can buy the ‘used-second-hand’ books for a coint and some even for free..

You know, i love being surrounded by those enjoyable creatures, like myself, i would love to feel the rythm in my soul like i actually do every single day, is it rock and roll? Is it hip-hop? Is it jazz and soul? Or just a simple records of plenty minimal beats?

I could not imagine my life without any music so far i’m concern,

When lincoln said to abraham: ‘imagine an empty soul in the atmosphere searching for a body that needs to be reformed and rebuild just to live again’.

I don’t think there is anything wrong about this quote, he was right, ‘bout every damn thing he said. The man knew how to lead a powerful country (thanks to him and his followers)

for god sakes, the man hasn’t lived for a long time just like JFK, but the wisdom took him pretty far to live forever in the mind of the people of United States of America.

When you’re underage or affraid to do something dangerous, don’t step aside, do not wait for the world to change and O please, i am begging you NOT to walk away from anything they told you to..

The ministry doesn’t. So why would you?

Generations and populations are born to be killers, we are fierced, filled with fire ready to spit everybody out standing in their way.

wake up!

Was it fear? Was it stomach acid? Was it them who chew you up and swallow you in?

An idiot is smarter than the most of us, you realize that one? Now did you?

The lost ones are probably get lost in a way of living but that doesn’t mean they’re lost inside their tiny brain. Gravity brings you down, the wind pull you up.

Love is just a temporary thing to make us feel happy, but happyness you better not persuit..

It is the peace you have to have, it is a MUST these days, try this one: when you have peace in your mind, heart and soul, happyness you won’t need and who said you’ll be happy tomorrow when you’re happy now? It could dissapear instantly in a finger-snap.

Diffuse blood on war of worlds, astute of university, what’s your conclusion of this madness?

I live for the true peace inside of me, i live for whatever there is to live for,

Who knows we’ll end up at the same way as Mr. Martin Luther King was?

Is that a bad thing? Setting up a revolution for own rights? certanly not. no way.

Nineteen seems so little, young and preciously enough to have the easy break down..

But yet it’s protected by the goverments when they kiss the groung we walk on as we are

The future success. Claws on skin as lovers do. Addled coloured universe soon in our palm hands. Venus don’t shine, Mars neither.

I pronounce you the realist of a writer.

Regards,

a thoughtful mind

2009-06-24T02:54:00.000-07:00

yesterday i hit the road i used to feel a lot taller than i was the day before,
yesterday when i was walking down the biggest streets i have ever saw, there was this poor little man lying down the corner of the police stasion with his head down, sleeping inthe coldest nights he ever felt for the last 2 years, so, i talked to him and said: how is it to feel the fear in their eyes? truely and straight he answers: ' i am not half the man i used to be, wy did she left me?
i am longing to yesterday..
Mr. Jonh Lennon was a powerful man with his wisom of words but powerless to the goverments and yet Yoko stick by his side, she still does.
Listen to the voice he wrote on his album child, he knew the world would be this poor while the rest of us blessed with luck and love they desire as i am blessed to lose everything there was to reach and living on the darkest hours that a person could get. Go Obama Go!
CHANGE THIS WORLD AS IT SHOULD BE CHANGING '.
i stared at his face and saw the pain that was drawn in the sea he throw it away, didn't knew what to think, i just gave him a coint and said: someday when this life is over, we will smile somewhere meant to be, jut not here.. yet.

Love,

RIRI

gebrabbel, gebabbel

2009-06-23T03:30:00.001-07:00

hoi.
vandaag ging de toetsen weer niet soepel als last time (first time).
helaaaaas, pindaaa lekkere kaaaaas..
en nu zit ik hier met de kids van allertijden achter de personal computers we got in school.
luisterensd naar de geluid van de gemene mensen, gemene gedachtens, gemene..
juist. en nu maar wachtend op de klok dat niet helemaal goed loopt, voor the next exam yet to come.
aly and aj in mn oren dopje: go ahead and say it, even though you know it makes me uncomfortable, if you must make me blush.
en toen raak ik erg verveeld en verzin van allerlei dingen die toch maar uiteindelijk wel goed terecht komen hoor..
zoals, Learning what the world is about, learning the content of life.
godverrrrdommeeehhhh!
ugly kids! fugly teachers.. that voice of misses timmermans, she is soo enoying that even the other students are starting to hate her so much, she could really go to hell instead of her own home.
bad is it?!
wat is toch met de wereld vandaag?
het probleem dat we hebben, het probleem waar we allemaal te maken zullen hebben..
het is vaak niet te verdragen, het is vaak niet te horen,
ach, wat we dagelijks meemaken maakt ons tot wie we nu zijn toch?
ik neem aan van wel..
ik neem aan van niet..
zeggen sommigen, ze zeggen dit: fuck you, you mother fucker!
wat is er toch met de wereld?
het is zo ingewikkeld dat we niet eens leuk vinden om te gaan leven meer..
mensen die gelijk opgeven en niet eens willen vechten om het leven gaan toch door het vuur voor het geval dat ze toch misschien een beetje geluk kunnen krijgen van de heer daar boven ons.
het is toch zooo makkelijk he onzin praten en je vingers laten gaan wat ie heen willen gaan over de toesten boord,
en toch zijn er genoeg mensen die dit allemaal gaat lezen hurrrrrr..
geen idee wie ze zijn, geen idee waar ze zijn of waar ze wonen,
1 ding weet ik wel: HET IS TIJD OM DE TOETS TE MAKEN EN MIJ DE SUCCES GUNNEN.

peace!

The Note

2009-06-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

I think sometimes lonelyness is a BIG part of me.
you can learn a lot from the space in your mind when you're alone and no one sees you as you walk to pass by, not having any destination into timeless spaces such as the streets we walk on,
no one who knows what's playing in the brain that's yours
tears fall down, not snow or the rain
it helps you grow faster than the ones who doesn't got the chance to cry along the way
maybe, maybe,
there is not one person you loved could notice what is lying beneath you sadly eyes when they are completely being raped up inside their own pain
no one feels the same way you think, when the person next to you feels the same way you do right now
you fight against time, time, time,
crashing down without sound or rubble from a piece of glass on the ground, underground, the basement or where ever it could be
would they remember you as that one person who always did things differently than anybody else's?
is that wrong? is that legal? is that the way it supposed to be?
you know the answer when you're ready or when we all laugh at the golden butterflies in the end as the white ones and the black ones united as ONE.

a piece of 'The Note' I used to write,

Closure

2009-05-09T06:18:00.000-07:00

Herrineringen van gister avond raken me nog steeds erg diep van binnen
ik kon het echt niet laten om het niet erover te gaan schrijven of zo
het was teveel voor me geworden, ikkon het niet inhouden meer en het idee erbij was 'too much'
de laatste 2jaar was/is zwaar voor me (geweest)
het is HEM dat altijd ergens rondloopt in mijn hoofd, ergens slaapt, in zijn eentj en niemand om HEM heen, ik was altijd al een soort van een guardian angel voor hem geweest
zijn enige bescherming tegen de wereld waar we nu in leven
zijn enige uitlaat over alles wat te maken heeft met HEM-zelf
en tegen overgestelde was ook totaal het zelfde:
hij was mijn redder, een ridder, een prins, een koning naast mij
overal waar ik loop liep hij naast me, trots dat ik bij hem kan/mag zijn
we hadden erg gezellig, nooit was het ongezellig tussen ons (zelfs met ruzies tussendoor)
ik hield van HEM, mijn grote huggybear
hij hield van MIJ, zijn kleine knuffel aapj
overal waar we lopen (helemaal wanneer we in de stad zijn) moest ik van hem altijd
echt altijd op zijn schouders gaan zitten/hangen en zo droeg hij mij heel de dag door de steden
zo veel keren hadden we een city trip gemaakt in heel NL en het was elke keer ge-wel-dig
met hem kon ik voelen wat passie was, met hem kon ik alles beter zien (letterlijk en figuurlijk)
met hem beleefde ik van ALLES, alles wat te maken heeft met de skatenwereld en graffity boys and girls
al zijn vrienden vonden dat we voor de rest van onze leven als 1 moeten blijven..
helaas was dat en bleef dat maar een droom geweest dat we eerlijk gezegd misschien wel nooit meer kunnen meemaken..
het is nou al almost 2 jaar dat we single zijn allebei, hij heeft ooit gezegd:
' jij was mijn eerste, mijn echte relatie. dit kan niemand wegnemen, jij bent en blijft voor altijd dat ene meisje waar ik mijn hart gaf en daarvoor ben ik jou dankbaar voor onze 3 jaar samen mijn kleine vrouw '.
de dag nadat de droom verdwenen waren, schreef hij dit letterlijk in een brief voor mij aan post thuis bezorgd
ik kon totaal niet geloven wat ik las, dit was een klein stukj van wat hij aan me schreef
de rest was memories..
hij deed me pijn (letterlijk en figuurlijk), hij heeft een keiharde temperament en dat gebruikte hij tegenover mij, hij liet me achter, hij ging er alleen vandoor, hij was eenzaam, hij kwam terug, hij gaf het op om zonder mij te leven, hij kon het niet meer inhouden
.. en hij begon voor het eerst van zijn leven om een meisje te huilen..
ik opende de deur en zei tegen hem de woorden: 'ben je eindelijk blij met wat je probeert te bereiken met jezelf?'
op dat moment kon ik hem echt laten stikken als een kleine zwerf hond opstraat in Brazielie
maar wat deed ik? ik liet hem binnen, hij nam me mee naar mijn slaapkamer en we lagen te vrijen tot de volgende dag, zo erg miste hij mij en ik HEM stiekem ook
het voelde raar, hij was mijn ex maar nu soort van minaar weer.. en wat ik verder kon doen?
helemaal niets, hij had me klem in zijn armen in bed die ochtend, ik draaide me om en keek naar zijn huggybear gezicht terwijl hij slaapt..
..het was alsof ik in de hemel bent beland en een engel zag, zijn wenkbrouwen, zijn mannelijke haren, zijn geur, zijn neus, zijn kusbare lippen, alles was zoals ik mijn toekomstige man wou hebben..
nu ik er aan terug denk is het alsof ik nooit had geleefd met hem, ik bedoel-
-het was een fairytale gewoon, 1 huis, 2 mensen, stilte, liefde, vrolijkheid, samenwonend lijkt het net, voor de rest van de 5 dagen dat hij bij mij was, was het een miracle, tot dat..
..hij weer jaloers werd op me en goeie vriend van me waarmee ik al 8 jaar goed bevriend mee was..
hij wist dat ik zowiezo te vertrouwen was en dave (die goeie vriend) ook, maar toch bleef het altijd voor HEM een raadsel.
hij deed me voor het laatste keer pijn en liep weg..
tot nu toe spreek ik hem wel maar we gaan niet meer met elkaar om, al bijna 2 jaar zijn we allebei single en ik vroeg laatst nog aan hem: 'heb je je droommeisje al gevonden? '
waarop hij antwoorde: 'ik heb haar al gevonden.. 5 jaar terug.. maar omdat ik haar steeds mishandelde wou ze me uiteindelijk nooit meer bij haar in de buurt hebben, ze leeft alleen nu in mijn hoofd en in mijn wereld is er altijd voor me, ook al zie ik haar af en toe lijkt O, zo ver weg van me vandaan, zij is Jou en ik ben voor de rest van mijn leven een normale gelukkige vrijgezel tot dat ik mijn laatste adem uitblaas'.